thanks so much for writing this! i think it will resonate with no small number of people... i hope it finds them. also you should check the box to send it out to your followers on publication! not doing so deprives us from getting the nice emails we signed up for.
aye, aye, i'll start emailing them out. the biggest demon i'm contending with is an old foe: the publish button. it makes it easier for me to hit publish if i uncheck the email button. but i'll get over it soon.
the sexual preference/height model, where you glance at the baseball card of your life and conclude 'yes me; or 'no not me'. (this only works for the people who 'just know' from a young age... good for them, that's not me)
listing your priorities in life (phd, startup, gf, house, moneez), and ranking kids amongst them.
~
i think these models don't work is because a lot can change depending on one's context and maturity. if you put a pinecone in the desert and ask if it wants to grow pine leaves, it'll probably say 'i can't talk, i'm a pinecone'.
or rather, modeling future self and acting on their behalf in a way that feels authentic is very difficult.
earlier generations 'benefited' from having sociocultural norms be more strictly enforced -- eg my grandparents would basically laugh me out of the room for considering whether to have kids. "what do you mean consider? first go get a good job, and then it is fine to wait a little bit longer to have the kids, but don't wait til some crazy old age like 28, okay?"
people my age and younger have to contend with the question from first principles, with fewer cultural norms, because the world is changing so much and also because it is easier to exist in a variety of subcultures.
thanks so much for writing this! i think it will resonate with no small number of people... i hope it finds them. also you should check the box to send it out to your followers on publication! not doing so deprives us from getting the nice emails we signed up for.
aye, aye, i'll start emailing them out. the biggest demon i'm contending with is an old foe: the publish button. it makes it easier for me to hit publish if i uncheck the email button. but i'll get over it soon.
thanks!
bad models for deciding if you want to have kids:
the sexual preference/height model, where you glance at the baseball card of your life and conclude 'yes me; or 'no not me'. (this only works for the people who 'just know' from a young age... good for them, that's not me)
listing your priorities in life (phd, startup, gf, house, moneez), and ranking kids amongst them.
~
i think these models don't work is because a lot can change depending on one's context and maturity. if you put a pinecone in the desert and ask if it wants to grow pine leaves, it'll probably say 'i can't talk, i'm a pinecone'.
or rather, modeling future self and acting on their behalf in a way that feels authentic is very difficult.
for. sure.
earlier generations 'benefited' from having sociocultural norms be more strictly enforced -- eg my grandparents would basically laugh me out of the room for considering whether to have kids. "what do you mean consider? first go get a good job, and then it is fine to wait a little bit longer to have the kids, but don't wait til some crazy old age like 28, okay?"
people my age and younger have to contend with the question from first principles, with fewer cultural norms, because the world is changing so much and also because it is easier to exist in a variety of subcultures.